Pursuant to our last blog post where we talked about how to host a business dinner, we’ve decided to talk about a sensitive etiquette topic – who should pay when you go to dinner? We’re not just talking about a business dinner, and not just about a date, or an outing with friends… We’ll try to state a number of scenarios and address this question in each one. We’ll do our best to be thorough – but feel free to chime in with any comments if you know of a situation that we’ve missed

1) Guy and Girl on a date:
If you’re on your first date, and you want to be on the safe side, guys, you should really pay. The world is rapidly changing and even though many women find it completely acceptable that the bill should be split (or even that the female should pay), it is still a social norm for men to pay. There are always caveats to every situation but if you are looking for one generic answer, then men should pay. Now, as you get to know your date well enough, then you can get to a point where you alternate in paying the bill or split it. In the beginning, though, you really be the one that makes the gesture.

2) Business dinner:
As mentioned in our last blog post, the onus is usually upon the person who is organizing the dinner. If you were called to a dinner, your host will be responsible for the bill unless there is an otherwise accepted protocol that both parties are familiar with.

3) Group of friends:
When a number of friends go out to dinner, it is usually accepted that everyone will cover their own tab. This makes things a lot more simple. In most restaurants, if there is a large group of guests, the waiter/waitress will know to just hand out separate bills. If, however, the group is smaller (3-4 people), then the group will be asked if they require one bill or separate bills. When there are less people attending the dinner, if someone is feeling generous, they may opt to handle the bill for everyone as a kind gesture. This favor is usually then matched by the other friends at a gathering in the future, but not necessarily so. The common etiquette is to split the bill but someone can also volunteer to grab the will if they wish to do so. If you do decide to grab the bill, the others at the table may prevent you from doing so. If they insist that the bill should be split, then you should generally succumb to their wishes since it will make them feel uncomfortable otherwise. The general point here is to take kind action as long as it doesn’t make others uncomfortable.

4) Double Date:
If one couple is clearly hosting the other couple, then the hosting couple, as long as they are comfortable in doing so, should pay the bill. This is roughly similar to having the guest couple coming to your house for dinner. If, however, there is no clear host and both couples decide to go to dinner together, then it is most common for the bill to be split. In some cases, such as with the “group of friends”, one couple may decide to pick up the bill. If another double date does ensue with the same couple, then the other couple should then pick up the bill (i.e. alternating the bill paying role).

5) Elders and Youngsters:
Just as it is more customary for men to pick up the bill than women, it is also more of a social norm for the elder person to pick up the bill. Now, by this, we don’t mean that if you’re 38 and your friend is 35, that you should pay. With age, we are really referring to a wider gap. For example, if your friend is a generation older than you, then it is more socially accepted for him to cover the bill. Now, if going out to dinner with your friend is a common occurrence, then it is not fair for him to cover the bill every time. In such a case, you should alternate in taking the responsibility.

6) Co-workers:
This situation is very similar to the “group of friends” scenario. The most appropriate scenario is for everyone to pay separately – especially if the group you are going to dinner with is a large one. One of the more interesting things to do is to split the bill amongst everyone after having one individual put up their credit card. This is a good solution if you are amongst a larger group of people since it will take a long time for 10+ credit cards to be processed. Having one person pay in such a scenario is very efficient. Everyone can then pay back their portion at a later time.

7) Birthday dinners:
If you are invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant, the usual etiquette is to have everyone pay their own bill. The bill for the birthday boy/girl is usually split amongst the guests. In some cases, if the person’s spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is there, they will usually cover the bill – then their bill will not be split amongst the rest.

Dinner with the boss:
In most cases, if you are going out with the boss, you will let them lead the way. 9/10 times, they will pay. It’s quite alright for them to do so because they will likely charge it to the company. In some cases, the boss may decide that everyone should get their own bill. He may do so if the expenses are not being covered by the company and your dinners are more than just a once in a while occurrence.

9) Dinner with Opposite Sex (Non-Date)
Even though you’re not on a date, it is still more socially acceptable for the guy to cover the bill – specifically if this is the first time that you are going for dinner. The next time around, it will be the female’s turn. If you offer to pay and the female insists that you split the bill, then you should split the bill. If you know this person well enough, then splitting the bill the first time around is just as acceptable. This case, specifically, really revolves around how old-fashioned you are in some ways. If you want to be on the safe side, you should pay the first time around.

10) Dinner with One Friend
This is again very similar to the “Group of Friends” scenario. The only difference is that in this case, the “alternating” scenario is most common. Even if this dinner is a one-off event, it is still more common for one person to cover the bill.

11) More means & Less means
This last part is tricky and really isn’t meant to patronize any party. Sometimes, if you feel that you have more means, you should cover the bill for good karma rather than etiquette per se (even though it is still good etiquette). For example, let’s say you’re having dinner with a friend who is a student with very little to no income and you’ve got a great job with good pay – you should probably volunteer to take the bill. We’re not saying that this should happen all the time but if it’s a once-every-now-and-then type of event, then it is good idea for you to pick up the tab.

As a summary, etiquette rules will tell you who should take the lead in paying. With that said, the person who takes the lead may ask the waiter/waitress for separate bills (take for example going to dinner with the boss where by etiquette standards, he should take the lead). If this does happen, then you should go with the flow. If the person who is taking the lead offers to pay the bill, you do have the ability to counter the offer or even insist that the bill be split if you feel that is the way to go. What etiquette really accomplishes is the evasion of a scenario, in which, no one knows who should take the lead in paying – an awkward scenario indeed.

We’re going to take the leap of faith here and assume that readers of this blog may be interested in some business etiquette tips. If you wear a suit to work, chances are that there will be a time when you’ll need to host a business dinner – hopefully, we’re right! Either way, some etiquette tips never hurt anyone…

First and foremost, a business dinner is led by the host in almost all aspects. In this case, we’re assuming that this is “you.”

Here is a list of tips that you need to keep in mind throughout the occasion:

• When choosing the restaurant and dinner menu, make sure to take into consideration special dining requests from your guests (vegetarian, kosher, halal, allergies,…).
• Communicate location/timing information in advance.
• Make sure everyone knows the overall purpose of the dinner.
• Confirm the attendance of your guests so that you don’t end up waiting for someone who won’t be coming.
• Make sure that the dress etiquette is communicated as part of the invitation. Since this is a business dinner, we’re probably talking about a “formal” dinner, but that may not be the case. Just make sure that the level of formality is known by your guests.
• Arrive early. You should be the first one at the location.
• When you arrive, make sure to communicate all special requests to the maître d’. This is a good time to communicate payment information.
• If you’re hosting the dinner, 9/10 times you will be paying for the meal. Make sure to communicate this with the maître d’  in advance.
• When your guests arrive, intro them to each other.
• Once everyone has arrived and it is time to get the meal started, it is your responsibility to communicate that with everyone. Once this has been done, take your napkin from the table and put it on your lap.
• You are responsible for setting the tone in terms of what the guests should be able to order. If you order a drink, then it is appropriate for others to order one as well. The same goes for appetizers. In some cases, you may not want a drink but would like your guests to feel free to order one. If this is the case, simply let your guests know this… without forcing it of course
• Generally speaking, the host will need to pass the bread around the table.
• You will also need to let everyone know when they can begin their meal. If this is a big event, with lots of attendees, you may ask everyone to begin eating as soon as they receive their meal in order to avoid a cold dinner.
• Once the meal is done, make sure to let everyone know that it is ok to order desert if you’d like for that to happen.
• Try to handle the check discreetly.
• Generally speaking, you should be the last one who leaves the dinner. When it’s a small dinner, everyone will likely leave at the same time.

Credits: Image from: http://www.londonelicious.com/

As mentioned in my last post: suit jacket buttons, I recently went to a corporate dinner/dance and was in awe at the number of mistakes I encountered with respect to dressing up and dinner table etiquette. There were too many things to go into detail – but one issue that really did bother me was that my table-mates did not know which wine glass was theirs or which dinner butter knife & plate belonged to them.

Dinner table etiquette is actually pretty simple if you stick to 3 steps:

1) Your glasses are always on the right.

2) Your butter/bread plate is located on your left side.

3) For your utensils, start from the outside and work your way in.

Another thing that I noticed was that someone left their napkin on the table when they left to go to the bathroom. If you are going to leave the table, make sure to put your napkin on your chair before you leave.

Credits: Image courtesy of http://whatscookingamerica.net/Menu/DiningEtiquetteGuide.htm

One of the reasons that we men go out and buy suits is that we want to look good and dress properly for special occasions. Formal dinners, of course, are one of the occasions, for which, we want to look our best. Now, you can look great by picking a great Suit from SuitUpp.com but you also have to be careful to act appropriately and observe commonly known rules of etiquette for the dinner table. These are vital and probably just as important as what you wear at the table. In this post, we’ll talk about the common do’s and don’ts at a formal dinner table.

First and foremost, if you are wearing a suit jacket, do not take it off when sitting down. What you should do is simply unbutton the jacket. If you don’t unbutton the jacket, it will look disorderly and contrary to that you typically want it to hang down nicely. Another reason for why you should unbutton your suit jacket is that you might actually damage it and cause some tearing depending on how you sit.

When sitting at the table, the first thing you should do is grab the napkin on the table and fold it nicely on your lap. You should use the napkin occasionally to wipe your hands or your mouth while eating. If you ever get up to go to the bathroom during dinner, please make sure not to put the napkin on the table for everyone to observe; rather, put it on your chair so that it is not observed by everyone at the table.

When it comes time for serving dinner, ladies come first. The first lady to the right of the host gets served first and this continues in a clockwise fashion until all the ladies at the table have been served. After the ladies come the men. Sorry guys

As for your knife and fork, if you are done with your plate, you want to have your knife and fork in parallel sitting at the 5 o’clock position on your plate. If you are not done with your plate, you should leave the knife and fork in a slightly crossed form on your plate (i.e if you aren’t using them). This will let the waiter know that you’re still working away.

As far as cutlery is concerned, the general rule of thumb is to work your way from the outside to the inside.

Now, etiquette is a very comprehensive topic and if you’d like to learn more, make sure to check out the following webpages:

http://www.oldandsold.com/articles05/business-6.shtml

http://www.gourmet-food-revolution.com/dinner-table-etiquette.html